It has been almost two years since I last posted anything, and life certainly is different for us.

As I’m writing this on my phone, I’m sitting on the floor next to my youngest waiting on her to come to after her most recent seizure.  It’s her sixth one since last April.  The neurologist doesn’t have any answers as to why she has them. She’s had an EEG, EKG, MRI, as well lots of blood work. All of those test have come back perfect. The only answers we have are: her brain looks normal and she doesn’t have epilepsy. They believe the seizures are from her brain misfiring during development and hopefully she’ll outgrow them in two to three years by the time she’s fifteen.  Every time I meet with the neurologist the timeline keeps getting pushed back. For now she’s on seizure meds, I have the pleasure of recording every seizure on my phone so the doctor’s can watch them later, and all we can do is stay attentive and pray she “outgrows” them soon.

My middle kid started out in Kindergarten this past September; a month later and he was back in Pre-K. 
We’ve always known he had an aversion to loud sounds, and had some emotional control issues.  In December he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).  Learning about SPD has been eye opening and helped us understand how and why he behaves the way he does.  We are in the early days of figuring out how to help him manage the world around him without having multiple meltdowns a day. There’s so much more to learn, and I’ll have to get back to you on how it goes.

A part of me wishes I had a magic wand and could make my children “normal.” While it may make life a lot easier, it would take away those things that make my children who they are.  Instead I will offer up my frustration, anxieties, and fears.  And hopefully, I’ll become a better person in the end.

Now that all of the children are tucked into bed, I think I’m going to have a stiff drink and call it a night.

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And Baby Makes Five

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After an emotionally and physically rough pregnancy, my husband and I welcomed our third child on May 21st. It has been a very joyous, sleep deprived four weeks.

I’m very thankful for my loving husband who continuously takes great care of his family, my two older children who adore their little sister and have been great helpers, for my dad for coming out here to help with my other two while I was in the hospital and they still had school, and for my mother for allowing my father to come out here to help and for her help when she was able to come out as well. I’m also thankful for all of my family and friends who have prayed for and with me during all of the difficulties I faced. I am forever grateful to you all.

Pregnancy and Testing of Faith

This pregnancy has not been the easiest and it has tested my faith in many ways.  I’m not going to go into the details because that doesn’t matter.  Everyone has their faith tested at some point in their life, and if you’re lucky it will happen multiple times.

 

Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  – James 1:2-4

 

My faith is stronger thanks to all the trials/tests that I have faced these past eight months.  I can breathe easier these days and I am at peace with many things that were troubling me.  My prayer life has come back stronger than ever and I no longer feel as if I am fighting a storm.  There have been several changes within my life during this time, and I am thankful for the emotional pain that went with many of these changes. I’ve learned who I can trust and depend on and who I cannot.  I’ve learned just how strong I am and that no matter how bad things get and it seems as if everyone flees from your side, those that love you most will always be there for you.

 

 In this you rejoice, although now for a little while you may have to suffer through various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold that is perishable even though tested by fire, may prove to be for praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Although you have not seen him you love him; even though you do not see him now yet believe in him, you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy, as you attain the goal of [your] faith, the salvation of your souls.  – 1 Peter 1:6-9

 

I am now in the last days of this pregnancy and we are looking forward to the arrival of our new child.  My husband has been so very amazing throughout this tumultuous time and I am eternal grateful for his love, support, and compassion.  He is my rock and I am truly blessed to be his wife.

 

Spiritual Dryness and Pregnancy

I’ve been in the middle of a spiritual dry spell since at least early January, but it probably goes back a bit further.  The only moments I’ve felt close to God have been during the RCIA classes I help teach and Sunday Mass.  My prayer life has become all but not existent.   It’s been a very blah time for me, but I hope that this period is just temporary.

I’ve wondered why I’ve been experiencing this dryness and I have had a few thoughts on it. One of the reasons that I have thought about is how this pregnancy is going. I haven’t been sleeping – I went four solid nights a few weeks ago sans sleep.  That was no fun.  My hip girdle is where I’ve experienced all of my key problems.  I have been having a lot of pain that has made walking on certain days all but impossible, and on my “good” days I can’t walk or stand for very long before I can no longer tolerate the debilitating pain.  About the only position I’ve found any comfort in is sitting, but not for too long or my back begins to hurt.  I know all of this will pass, and all of my joint pain will disappear within a few days of the little one being born.  All of the pain and lack of sleep is what I think may be one of the key contributors to this dryness.

I can’t focus on reading scripture, prayer, writing much of anything these days, and let’s not even discuss my keeping up with my house.  I’m drained.

And yet, I know that God will get me through this and I will be stronger and wiser on the other side.  I will still try to focus on all the above, I may fail miserably at all of them, but I am doing my best.

About a week ago I found a beautiful prayer that I keep coming back to over and over again.

OURLADYPERPETHELP

Dearest Mary, I look to you now for the help of your maternal love.
You understand my trials as an expectant mother.
You bore Jesus in your womb.
You know the doubts and anxieties that beset me; you know the bodily suffering I endure.
Like you, may I turn all these sorrows into joy.
You overcame anxiety by a loving trust in God; you overcame doubt by gentle resignation to His will.
Your motherhood lifted your mind above earth and kept it close to God.
So speak to Jesus now with me, beloved Mother, as I seek prayerfully to learn to bear the trials of motherhood with joy.
Mother of Perpetual Help, Pray for me!

Father Robert Barron posted this very timely video today.

One of the key scripture verses I keep coming back to is Philippians 4:6 – “Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.”  It is very difficult to thank God for pain and discomfort, and yet I am.  I have been “offering up” my pain for others.  Here is a great explanation of what I mean by “offering it up.”  And while I may feel miserable, I know that this pain can and will be used by God and for that I am thankful.

I’m Still Here

I never meant to go on this long of a hiatus from writing, and I really haven’t. Instead of posting my thoughts and whatnot on this little blog, I’ve been journaling. In the next few days I hope to be back on here posting at least twice a week. *fingers crossed*

The main reason I have been away is because I’m pregnant, and during these past several months I’ve experienced some incredibly strong nausea.  Thankfully, I seem to have turned the corner and am having more good days than bad. Baby number three is due in late May, and my other two children are very excited about having a new baby in the house. We greatly welcome all of your prayers for a healthy pregnancy and baby.

  

7 Quick Takes (vol 1)

— 1 —

Welcome to my first ever Quick Takes Friday!!   I’ve decided to start this to help me write more often here, and to improve my writing style.

— 2 —

Yesterday was one month post op.  What a difference a month has made.  I went from feeling as if the surgery was the worst decision ever because of all the pain and lack of motion that I had (not to mention feeling as if I had to re-learn to walk), to feeling really positive about the outcome.  I am in very little pain now; my knee only hurts when I step on it wrong or I’ve been on it too long and it’s tired.  My range of motion is returning and everything is getting easier.  I need to add that I am very thankful for my Mother-in-law spending the past three weeks out here to help me around the house and with the kiddos.

— 3 —

While I am thankful and happy that Grandma came out to visit and help, I’m also happy that she is going back home tomorrow.  It’s always nice when family can come to visit, and while it can be sad to see them leave – it’s also so very nice to have your house back to yourself.  These past three weeks has been extra hard on my daughter because she has had to share her bed with Grandma and because she hasn’t been allowed to watch her two favourite shows — The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy and The Aquabats Super Show.  And yes, I let my children watch shows like these.  They are fun and my husband and I enjoy watching shows we actually like with or children.

— 4 —

I have several books lying around that I want to read (many of them I’ve started but put down for one reason or another), and one that I am currently reading. I have enough books to last me for at least the summer, and yet there are so many more out there that I want to purchase and read. This is the curse of being a lover of books.  I’m constantly having to stop myself from heading over to Amazon to purchase another book; I’m constantly saying to myself, “Self, you need to read those other five or so books you have before you purchase another one.”  Having two small children at home really puts a damper on my reading – not to mention blogging.  These two little monsters that I have are my favourite distractions and I’m not upset or disappointed that they are my main distractions.

— 5 —

Unrelated to any other topic here:  I have tried once again to get into the cult sci-fi tv show Firefly once more.  This has been attempt number 5-ish.  All of my fellow nerdy friends are astonished that I have never enjoyed this show, and so every few years I give it another go. So, how did this last attempt go?  Well… I made it through the first two episodes. That’s two more episodes than I have ever finished before (minus the movie; I have watched all of Serenity.).  So now I have a decision.  Push on and potentially be bored through the rest of the series, or push on and watch the rest of the 14 episodes so I can say I did it and maybe, just maybe I’ll decide that it’s okay and not dreadful.

— 6 —

Last Friday (July 5th), Pope Francis published his first encyclical, Lumen Fidei.  Pope Benedict XVI started writing it and Francis finished it.  For those of us who don’t know Latin, Lumen Fidei translates as The Light of Faith.  No, I haven’t read the encyclical, but it is on my very short to read list.  And from all the awesomeness I’ve heard about it you should read it too.  You know what, I’m going to make it my goal to read through it this week.

— 7 —

I’m seriously disappointed in the USCCB and what they are doing to bloggers and others who are trying to spread the Good News, especially during this Year of Faith.  If you haven’t heard I highly recommend you take a time to read Brandon Vogt’s encounter with them.  Granted I do believe he should have asked them first before he converted and offered Lumen Fidei in all the formats he did, but the USCCB should also have seen the value in it.  And it isn’t just Vogt that they have hindered in spreading the Gospel and an understanding of Catholic doctrine.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Quick Entry & Update

No, I haven’t dropped off the blogosphere.  Let’s see…since coming completely off the Zoloft I’ve been feeling so much better.  However, I still have the very occasional head swoosh.

That being said, I had arthroscopic knee surgery yesterday. They went in to get my knee cap to start gliding in the notch God intended it to and not sit and grind on the bone it had been. They accomplished this by performing a lateral release; they also cleaned up any worn and torn cartilage.

So now I’m bed bound for another day.  Which is probably a good thing because the meds they gave me for the pain are making me wonder if I am secretly suffering from narcolepsy.  With that said, during my waking hours I hope to be able to type up the entry I wrote this morning, finish up the entry on our Blessed Mother, as well as another one that I’m almost finished with.

*YAWN*  Back to sleep and then to work on posting the rest.

 

We adore you O’ Christ and we praise you. Because by Your holy cross You have redeemed the world.